Tattoos

I've been thinking a lot about how some things are completely permanent. We're taught that most things are fleeting: you lose a job, you get a different one; you lose a boyfriend, you get a new one; you lose your keys, you call the locksmith to change your locks. Why is it always that the things that are permanent are the things you wish would go away: the small gray hairs my 16-year-old cousin teases me about even though she'll have them some day too, that certain sense of child-like insecurity I thought I'd grow out of when I turned 18, coffee stained teeth, and that look that's forever imprinted in my memory -- that sort of lazy shrug and rushed smile when someone turns around one final time before they walk away. That look that says I don't really think I want to go, but I'm not entirely sure. That look that leaves you completely uncertain if that person will ever return, but lets you know that somewhere, deep down, a small part of them -- whether it's as minuscule as the bones in the inner ear or as large as the contents of their rib cage -- will miss you.

Cars, Vans, Winter

Delaware

Sometimes late at night pieces of memories come back to me that seem like they're from forever ago, even if it's only been a couple of years. Right now, I can almost feel myself in the frigid parking lot of an Ohio McDonalds, stealing WiFi with a dying netbook, trying to figure out if there was a route out of the state that didn't have snow. After hours of traveling through winding back roads and passing the sprawl of mini marts and no u-turn signs, we emerged from our over packed mini van. The wet smell of winter and the first set of footprints spoiling the pristine blanket of snow that covered the concrete almost overwhelmed me. We were lost.



Brooklyn, Philadelphia
Sometimes memories seem so far away, it's almost as if they were a dream and you begin to make up your own idea of what happened. In a distant winter, I vaguely recall sitting in the back of a beat up Subaru, my body squeezed between amps, guitars and cables as my best friends sat in the front, singing a song I was never really fond of. They were fearless, unafraid, and I nervously peered through the windshield. The only parts of our surroundings that were truly visible in the all consuming darkness fell in front of our dim headlights -- swampy slush and mud in what seemed like an endless one way dirt road. For all we knew it could have actually been endless if we could have driven along it forever without stopping for a tank of gas. I counted the porch lights on houses, hoping to pass someone who knew where we were.

I didn't blog much this summer, and now it's November. Winter has me consistently feeling nostalgic, and there's this constant sense of deja vu anytime I smell the air before it starts to rain and feel the cold breeze against my skin. Here are some pictures from my travels -- the ones that don't involve food or messing around. Those will come later.



Virginia, Baltimore


Atlanta, D.C.

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday

I don't really know what to say after so many months of not blogging so I'll break the awkward pause with these photos from brunch at La Bonbonniere in the West Village and hangouts in a Brooklyn backyard. Yeah, I said brunch. Apparently people are awake on Sunday mornings -- albeit mostly young families or couples, but who knew?

Perfect breakfast: blueberry pancakes, bacon, french fries, black coffee. After that I filmed some acoustic sessions to promote my new album that's coming out at the end of this month and did some other press stuff with Kind of Like. Everything about this post is making me second guess how I sound, so forgive me if I sound pretentious or lameee. Whatever, a girl's gotta work.

Going to Coney Island

A couple of weeks ago I headed over to Coney Island to hang out at the beach, eat cheese fries, and take some pictures for the album art of Candy Hearts' new record. The band came with me because it was my birthday and walking around Coney Island alone is kind of...sad? I would have been okay with it either way since the boys wouldn't let me go on the actual beach because they didn't want to get sand in their shoes.

Even if it was a long ride, Coney Island has such good vibes. I remember my mom saying she took me there when I was little, but I don't remember it. It always reminds me of Siren Fest though, and I'm sad that this year it's not happening, is it?

Also, the album art finally is finished and we got to announce the release date and our signing to Kind Of Like Records today!

Stacks Pancake House

Chocolate and strawberry pancakes could end wars -- at least I think so. These are from Stacks Pancake House in Hoboken, NJ. The restaurant is awesome, but sadly my sister, my cousin and I couldn't get out door seating. It was just too packed! They give you cornbread before your meal as if I needed a carb before a carb overload. Surprisingly, these pancakes still tasted good even if I took half of them home and them later that night.

By the way, since the return of my Droid I've been taking so many pictures with Picplz. I'm obsessed with the vintage filters!

Red, White & Blue Tie Dye Cupcakes

Couple of weeks ago my sister made these bite-sized vanilla cupcakes. They were unbelievably delicious and I ate about 400 of them. How cute is the red, white and blue tie-dye? Perfect for the Fourth of July! It seems like all I eat lately is cupcakes. I can't wait to make another batch but my sister says the next flavor is a surprise.

Chai Tea Cupcakes, Booking Tours

Right now I'm sitting in bed, trying to plan an appropriate route for the Candy Hearts summer tour and watching the Tonight Show. It's remarkable how much the thought of traveling anywhere makes me anxious, but all I want to do is write and tour, especially with Mixtapes, one of my favorite bands. It shouldn't make me as anxious as it does.

My blogging has been slacking. Whatever, it's summer. I spend most of my time online blogging for Scribbal or browsing apps and such on my phone. I tell you, the invention of the smartphone just means I'm constantly connected and never on a computer except for work.

These cupcakes were an idea totally fronted by my sister. I made the icing which was a creamy and sweet honey buttercream. The cake was vanilla chai with real (and extra strong) tea mixed in. It tasted like a mix between a spice cake and a latte. Delicious! Made for our best friend's 23rd birthday. I can't believe I've known someone for almost 20 years.

Shows and songs and other stuff

I haven't posted in a while! Mostly I work in my pajamas now, so that's part of the reason. Anyway, here's a picture I love from Stay Sweet Fest. The band and I just released a song from our upcoming split with our buddies Sister Kisser from Long Island. It's going to come out on 7" on Gruff Beard records sometime in early June (or at the end of the month if we're lucky). We've got two amazing dates planned too.

May 26 at The Meatlocker Montclaire, NJ w/ RVIVR, Dead Ringer, the Rivals, +1

June 3 at The Charleston w/ Captain We're Sinking, Sister Kisser, Red City Radio, +1

so we're psyched on that. Also download our new track here for free. It's written about hanging out in Bed-Stuy with Wagers and being a general bum the month or two after I graduated from college. And some other things.

Spring In The Suburbs

Just another lazy day. Waiting for work to start. Sitting around. I don't really know what to do with myself when it's too early to play guitar but too early to go to work. Don't have enough info to announce our next two New York shows. I need to get on that, we're playing Thursday! I guess I'm blogging now.

Spent the morning drinking coffee and eating cookies in my mom's most comfortable huge bed with her and we watched the Today Show. The news kind of annoys me lately, but Kathie Lee and Hoda are awesome. I don't care what anyone says.

Stay Sweet Fest, Richmond, Virginia

I know I always take a long break from blogging and say I'll come back with more updates than ever, but the truth is my life is busy, and I don't always have time to photograph it, at least to the extent I'd like to. Anyway, I don't know if now's the time to talk about Stay Sweet Fest, after I've already been writing 9 hours for work, but I feel like I need to update at least a little bit. So I'll try to start from the beginning.

I left my house in New Jersey at 10am, swung all around New York to pick up my friends and the rest of the band, and then sat in what was the worst traffic I ever seen. Bumper to bumper for 10 hours. I was pretty sure we were going to miss the Friday night show all together but I managed to show up in just enough time to help polish off one of the band kegs and see Slingshot Dakota play.

That night was really the most coherent and planned out. We walked back what seemed like miles to our friends' (who are in the band This Is Your Life) house. Stayed there with the dudes from Timeshares. Slept on a floor. Woke up at 10am. Pulled myself out of my sleeping bag, just barely. Threw on some clothes and headed for day two in Timeshares' beat up van. It was pouring. My hair was ruined.

Timeshares' van, god bless it's soul, is the kind of car punk rock dreams are made (despite the fact that it continuously breaks down). They've had terrible luck with cars and I'm crossing my fingers that my comfy mini van doesn't follow suit, even though I'd do whatever it took ensure the security and sanctity of our relationship. Anyway, I'm almost positive they started it with a wrench instead of a key and the sides of the doors were plastered with stickers and magnets from places they'd been together. It was like a scrapbook or blog or something.

That day we played to the biggest group of people we've maybe ever played to. It was really nice knowing that hours from home there were people there who cared about us, singing the words to our songs, and not just caring about us as a band, but as people. I was nervous because a couple of hours before, the article I wrote from my last entry was published in punknews, and reading a slew of negative comments debating the level of our talent really isn't something I need to read before we go on. Lesson learned. Regardless, that nervousness faded in .02 seconds with a cup of beer and some good friends.

The rest of that day is kind of a wash. We drank, we made friends, we sang, we danced, I even helped someone do a keg stand which is new for me, and somewhere between wandering around Richmond at 3 in the morning eating Doritos and waking up sick my stomach, I fell in love with that city and the friends I had met.

Some notable things: Sundials', The Front Bottoms', and Tigers Jaw's sets. Everyone was great, but they really killed it. The way it feels to be so tired that you're fearless. Oh, and Timeshares and This Is Your Life wrote me a song. They wrote it to wake me up when I was dead asleep in another room. The lyrics were in Spanish and I was told it was some sort of flamenco feel. I was so tired I barely remember it, but it's good to know I have friends who are so good they would play in my ear as long as it took to be sure I was awake.

Punk and Stuff Like That

A couple days ago I was asked to contribute a guest post for I Live Sweat on my experiences with sexism in the punk scene. I'm not typically one of those people who thrives on making a big stir or writing something I know would isolate more than half the people I'm friends with, but I decided to go for it anyway, just because sometimes I really do think things are not fair and it took me years to not get discouraged over it.  At this point, the way girls are sometimes treated when they're in certain creative fields is really more of mosquito bite than something that gets me fiery.
Here's an excerpt:
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Let me start this by saying that sitting down to write this was not easy for me because not only does it make me upset to think about, but I know that when people talk about this topic, it’s mostly taken with a grain of salt. I don’t like people rolling their eyes at me; I don’t like being preachy; and I hate sounding like I’m some sort of victim—all which I think is part of the problem. I shouldn’t ever feel like I have to apologize for wanting to be treated like one of the guys or even wanting to be treated like I’m different because girls are different.

The difference wasn’t always clear to me. Before I was completely immersed in any music scene, let alone the DIY punk community I now call home, I’m ashamed to admit I was the first person to roll my eyes when the stereotypical Bikini Kill-obsessed, cut-off-shorts-clad punk  girl complained about the way men treated her at shows. I just didn’t believe it was true, and I think it’s something that’s hard to recognize if you don’t experience it yourself, which is why I’d never fault anyone for thinking that the punk scene is immune to sexism—especially because it’s empowering and supportive in so many ways.

Read the whole thing on I Live Sweat's blog

Tea Party at Lady Mendl's Tea Salon

Last Sunday we threw a surprise sweet 16 for my cousin at Lady Mendl's Tea Salon in New York.  It was a small party -- just a few of the ladies (two of my cousins, my aunt, sister, grandma, and mom), but it was pretty fun, and I think my cousin was surprised.

Lady Mendl's reminded me in part of my grandmother's house (if she lived in a swanky, Gramercy Park brownstone), but that's its charm.  The decor is quaint with the same floral wallpaper my mother hated in my childhood home, but I was always fond of. The food is traditional and delicious -- scones with clotted cream and jam, tartes, tea sandwiches, cake, and of course, tons and tons of different kinds of tea. I chose the Chai, but my cousin had a berry flavor that tasted like chocolate covered strawberries! It wasn't trendy by any means, but if you're in search of a formal, fun party (for a wedding or baby shower, anniversary, or just a special lunch), I'd totally reccomend it.

After, we walked around nearly every part of the city like tourists, and I came home angry at traffic, how crowded everything was, and ready to go to bed.

A Week Ago

I can't really tell you where any of my clothes are from in this outfit, especially because this dress is so old I wore it to my high school's homecoming in 2005.  I love holding onto clothes knowing they'll come back into style, and I really feel like I got lucky with this one.  This picture was from last Friday when it almost felt like Spring outside, and I stopped by Kris's place in the Bronx to flesh out the mixes of five more songs before heading out to Long Island for a bar crawl with my cousin and sister. We need to do that much more often.

Speaking of mixes, check out this piece I wrote for the NY Egotist about how Kickstarter has kicked the the major label on its behind more than Napster.   Alright, not more Napster, but still; now it's not the just the public that doesn't need major labels to get music, it's the artists too—almost. I'm still a firm believer that labels are both important and helpful to artists, whether or not they are needed.

Oh, and here are some nachos. Here's a tip: to balance the guilt you'll feel from eating a heaping, unhealthy-but-delicious pile of nachos, mix both bad fats (the cheese, the sour cream, and everything else that tastes awesome) with good fats (avocado and...that's all I've got).  Yum!

Nightime




Free People coat, Justin boots, Mandees (I know!) jeggings

I'm sitting here in my pitch black room, sitting against the walls I painted purple with sheets pulled up to my nose. It's at these hours that I feel like being creative, which makes me wonder if wasting the day matters at all if I choose to work at night instead.  I'm trying to structure my very unstructured life, but I haven't found enough freelance work to warrant the structure.  Hopefully I will soon.

These pictures are from a Woodbury Commons trip with my mom.  After being completely heartbroken that the American Apparel highwaisted pleated pants I've coveted for months didn't fit me in any size, I refused to give up. I paid a visit to the outlet store, tried them in a different fabric, and they fit! Plus, they were only around $40, which is basically half off.  Score.

Check out my friend's new video!

Watch my incredibly talented friends Rachel and Andrew be adorable on camera. I love the 90s vibe, and girl knows how to hold up a Dunkin Donuts for sure.

My So-Called Night

Target denim shirt, Urban Outfitters hat, Nasty Gal romper, Doc Martens boots

As cheesy as this might sound, last weekend me and the boys went to "My So-Called Prom" at the Bell House. It's exactly what it sounds like—a My So-Called Life inspired prom where everyone was dressed like it was 1995 (my normal wardrobe, honestly), there were cheesy decorations, and a band that played hits from the '90s (I'll have it be said that we left when they started to play Sublime). I also discovered the most amazing cocktail ever: red bull + raspberry vodka. Whatever, so I normally drink beer or gin, but I can be a girl sometimes. Try it! You must.

Recording this weekend, even though I'm dreadfully ill and then playing a show with Paul Baribeau on Monday. Paul Baribeau!!! Let's pretend for 5 minutes that I don't have every word of his self titled album memorized. Get the show info from our website.

Recording, Recording, Recording

Last weekend we began recording our album, and while I didn't do much of anything during the drum and bass tracking except drink soda and sit around ("producing" as I call it), we are going to do guitar and vocals very soon, and that's it. I'm trying not to think about the final recording stages because that's where I tend to get kind of crazy thinking about if people are going to listen and like this and playback every single note a hundred times until the rest of the band tells me I need to stop.

When we did this last time, I didn't think about any of this stuff except for how the record sounded. I had no idea what to do once I held the CD in my hands and blindly went on tour down the east coast. Everything involving that first month as a real band with a real release was...well, really, really hard. And then one day, all of a sudden, I was swept up into a whirlwind of shows, reviews, interviews, and so many people I am so glad I get to call my friends.  Something just clicked, and now it feels light, and easy, and natural, though I still have nerves, I'm really happy with how everything is turning out/has turned out -- no matter how small my success is. I used to feel sort alone making music, but now I've learned to let go. To put my trust in the 3 other people, my best friends, who are in this with me.

Here are some pictures from our session, and Greg's apartment (where the lack of cable practically forced us to watch hours of hilarious YouTube videos).